I finally realized why I’ve had so much trouble setting down in words my thoughts about CASBS – I think it is too painful to contemplate the joys of my year there because they are no more! And I feel I have nothing original to say beyond “heavenly, supportive, productive, delicious, sublime. . .”
In a sense, it was the UNEVENTFULNESS of the year that made it so productive. I loved the meals and seminars and especially the weekly “Gender Lunch” where a group of us presented work in process. Most of all, I treasured the open-ended time (and library and computing resources) that allowed me to expand my book project in new directions that greatly enriched it, even if that meant not finishing the draft as expected. Luckily, a year after leaving paradise I received a Guggenheim and was able to finish Redefining Rape, which became the book I wanted it to be because of my year at CASBS. And John D’Emilio and I finished our biographical introduction to our anthology of Allan Bérubé’s work, “My Desire for History,” putting the last touches on it while John visited me at the Center.
I never expected to have the privilege of that year; I am so glad I did and that I was able to make the most of it. Now when I think back I miss most of all several things: the view of the Bay when I entered in the morning and just stood taking in the sight, and my good fortune, before getting to work; the solitude of my study; the camaraderie of meal times, presentations, and our grand finale evening skits, games, and dancing. And I mourn the loss of our dear colleague Nalini Ambady – who wrote the secret limericks for that event.
Thanks for forcing these memories from me. I don’t know that they are of any use for your project, but I share them nonetheless.
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